Oh, how I hate you sometimes, Eee...

When I sat down to see six glasses of gorgeous looking amaros I was quite excited.  Mmm, nice bitter, dark loveliness.

Jacob Briars started up the session, talking about how really a lot of this stuff started with fraud, deception, etc., as people thought that they would soothe health concerns.  There were, for instance, the notions of the “humors” in the body.  Sebastian Raeburn (and I apologize if I misspell names, for reasons you’ll see in a second) came in, hawking his “health drink”, though never pouring it, since he said it had gin, chartreuse, Lysterine, NyQuil, and some other stuff in it.  I would’ve tried it anyways…

You see that netbook just at the bottom of the picture?  That’s the Eee I won in a contest and reformatted with Ubuntu.  I had a bit long post on this session written on it.  I kept track of what all of those amaros were, and how tasty they were, and even talked about the reishi mushroom bitter stuff that Jacob inflicted on us.

Jacob talks to us about drugs in our drinks.

About an hour into the session, I went to type, and it over-reacted on me, closing the tab and deleting everything I’d written.

Let that be a lesson to you, users of WordPress – even though down below, right there, I can see it saying “Draft saved at 4:00:24 PM” I know that this is NOT true, and that it’s never to come back if I get messed up, because my precious precious draft is gone forever, and thus, most of my brain cells.

Look, folks, this session was followed by the Diageo Happy Hour.  I sacrificed many a precious brain cell to bring you these words!  HEED  THE WORDS THAT I AM BRINGING YOU BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON THEY MATTER.

An Aussie AND a New Zealander?! Doing the same session?!

So, being that it’s a week later, and I’ve been thinking about this post but not, you know, writing the damn thing, here I am, your esteemed blogger, with all the serious journalistic integrity that implies (snicker), trying to put back together what I learned.

Here are some tidbits:

• Only two bottles of Bitter Truth Elixier were let in to the US.  They were delicious.
• I’d never had Luxardo Amaro before and now I shall buy some.
• Mmmmm, Fernet.

There was another Italian digestif included that isn’t available in the US but unfortunately I cannot recall it’s name.

Not as appetizing as it looks

So why do we drink these things?

Well, the obvious answer is that a number of us find them delicious.  I built up a taste for Fernet, I’m sure, like many of my fellow bloggers, perhaps egged on by the gregarious San Franciscan bartenders who seemed to have originally championed it on the US scene.  But a big thing for these – or like Underberg, my favorite post-meal digestif – is that they do make us feel better.

Jacob used an example that he takes every day.  His bitter, pictured to the right, features reishi mushrooms.  It was not tasty.  I do not want it in my drink.  However, he claims there are many health benefits to it, health benefits I wrote down and now don’t remember, so I’m guessing memory retention wasn’t one of them.

It is, perhaps, more scientific than it was back in the old days when they just dumped all kinds of wild, wacky things into a bottle of the black stuff, but for me – well, I think I’ll stick with my current doctor’s advice, and have a Fernet a day.

(Obligatory note: she said multi-vitamin.  I say Fernet.  I did not correct her.)

Well, we started the session with Jacob wearing a horse head mask, and Angus saying he started bartending either 2 BC (Before Cranberry juice) or 10 AD (after Angostura Dependence).

This is a disturbing picture of Gary Regan they put up on the screen – he’s done up like a character from A Clockwork Orange.  Also, bartenders do it for sex, drugs, and rock and roll.

The Three Principles of Hospitality:
1.  Put a Smile on the Guest’s Face
2.  Optimise the Guest Sale
3.  Give the Guest a reason to return.

The Four Principles of Hosting
1.  Make them feel comfortable
2.  Make them feel important
3.  Make them feel welcome
4.  Make them feel understood

Some really interesting points – for instance, customer time is five times normal time.  Always smile at them, ask them questions to see how they want their drinks.  It makes me think of places I go to regularly and how some great bartenders do all of these things.

Angus posits that we’re in the second golden age of bartenders.  Starting in the ’90s we had the Age of Ingredients starting with fresh citrus and going through things such as herbs, spices, aged tequilas, etc – back in the old days Maker’s Mark only sent 500 cases to the UK.  Then we went to the Age of Technique which includes everything from molecular mixology to the hard shake.

Later we hit the Age of Scrutiny and Authenticity, featuring history, books, big mustaches, recreated ingredients, and such.  He thinks we lost some great stories that helped engage the guests – that things have gotten overly serious, very intense.

You read about mixologists all the time but you never actually meet one.  No one wants to raise their hand and say “I’m a mixologist”.

Is there a Big City Fixation?

Are there drinks that are by bartenders for bartenders?  (Jacob takes over here…)  Is it ingredients for the sake of those ingredients?

(A bright blue drink shows up…)

Oh, it’s a Corpse Reviver #Blue.  It’s exactly the same as a Corpse Reviver #2 but made with blue curacao.

The Cocktail Taliban?  Telling people how to dress, what to do?

Multitude of rules:
1.  Small is good: big is evil.  Just because you’re small, just because you do it for love, doesn’t make it good.  It’s nice to support local and small brands.
2.  Vodka is evil.  We drink vodka wrong, we don’t drink it like the Poles or the Russians.  We mix it, and that makes you a fashion victim.  Vodka is also looked down on in the US because we drink so much of it – Australia’s top seller is rum, and New Zealand’s is bourbon and gin (vodka is 4th).  Vodka is 38% of sales in the US.

It is dangerous territory to not make/sell drinks because you consider them not good enough for you.

3.  Commercial is evil.
4.  Not obeying rules is evil.
5.  The Hard Shake ™ is Holy.  You don’t use the Hard Shake ™ for everything.  It only works in Japan because there’s four patrons to one bartender.
6.  Shaving is evil.

Now Angus is quoting Toby from the book Cosmopolitan.  I’ve read that book but don’t remember this part – not that it’s surprising that I can’t remember.

Hey, another drink.  And I’m feeling okay after the first drink.  Now quotes from Maks from previously at Cure:

1.  Mustaches and arm garters do not make a bartender
2.  A bar exists to serve customers, not cocktails
3.  Inspiration for new cocktails is not found in the produce aisle of Whole Foods.  However, it can be found in the dusty bottles of your back bar
4.  There is no right way to make a cocktail, but there are many wrong ways
5.  Bartenders who work behind bars
6.  Recipes are guidelines, not gospel

(What is this drink?!)

7.  Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it.  (Macallan and Diet Coke?)
8.  You’ll never serve a cocktail that makes everyone happy, so concentrate on making one person happy at a time
9.  Bartending is a profession and a craft, not a lifestyle
10.  It’s just a drink.

Jacob:  You can’t recreate these ancient recipes – things are different everywhere.  The types of sugar, even the ice.

Bartenders as characters:  Donn Beach – you’d want to get stuck in an elevator with him.  (Okay, Angus said “lift” not elevator…)  Trader Vic, Jerry Thomas, Mr. Billingsley (a bartender at the Stork Club in NYC who came up with signs and systems).

Cocktail names are important!

• Honey I’m Gay
• Knickerdropper Glory
• I want to take you to a Glayva
• Sage Against the Machine
• Anise and Nephew
• W.Y.B.M.A.D.I.I.T.Y.  (Would You Buy Me A Drink If I Tell You)

Uh oh, now we’re getting into writing!

Hey, he’s brought up the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster.  And now the Flaming Moe!

Bar slang – talking about soda jerks during Prohibition.  Appropriate for seeing Darcy bartend tonight, hopefully!  “I’m not drunk, I’m overserved.”

Hmmm, drinking on an empty stomach is fun.  And there’s a drink here with rosemary in it…

Toasting used to be a real art form.  Bartenders should have a repository of toasts.

TIKI

Tiki has a lot of fun and also brings up sharing cocktails.

Huh.  Doodling.  Or droodles?  Huh.  A bar-related art form to pick up girls in the ’50s.

OMG this rosemary drink is…uh…weird.

You can make really good, well balanced drinks but still have a sense of fun.  An example is the Ale of Two Cities drink (Calloo Callay, UK) (it looks like a pint of bitter with chips on the side).

The Nightmarcher (Tar Pit, LA) – a tiki drink with a ball gag.

The Mad Hatters Tiki Punch served in a gramophone (Calloo Callay, UK).

Smoky Rum Old Fashioned (Purl, UK) – I’d describe this one but it’s complicated.  Seems to involve a bong-style smoke delivery system to your glass…

Negroni Blazer Style (Matterhorn, NZ)

oh this drink appears to be a Cecil Baker – gin, green chartreuse, pomme verte, passionfruit syrup.

And the story behind the Cecil Baker is great.  AND I’m not going to tell it to you, because you need to hear it, not read it on a blog…

WOOHOO TALES WOO!

Sorry.  Had to get that out of the way.

I’ve actually been in New Orleans since Sunday thanks to my day job.  I’ve got to hit various joints this time such as Luke’s, dba, and Jacques-Imo’s.  We, the bloggers, have a house again this year with a bar sponsored by a number of companies.  It’s already been a blast and I have way too many pounds worth of swag in my bags.

If you haven’t been here before it’s kind of hard to describe.  The lobby of the Monteleone was overrun this morning as people registered for Tales as tons of high school Lutheran kids – here earlier this week to do charity service – try to check out.  Bartenders complain about the early hours, presenters run around trying to make sure all their stuff is ready to go, and people from around the world renew their acquaintance and have a few drinks.

For me, I’ve got a tasting room in about 1/2 an hour, cigars and Mandarin Napoleon liqueur a couple of hours after that, and a Bulleit Bourbon event tonight.  If you’re in town, feel free to shoot me a line, check my Twitter ( @highwaystar ), or give me a holler on my phone.  Tomorrow: my day full of sessions!

Don’t worry – you’ll see these posts here first, but also on the Tales blog.  And so I thought I’d talk about one of the first seminars that I’ll be taking – Bartending Fun-Da_mentals.

The description of it was as follows:

“There is a sense among many people that the world of ‘mixology’ has become just a tad too serious some times. From mediaeval origins of cocktails to snobbery not stirring the Old Fashioned for long enough and the stealth growth of the Cocktail Taliban the fun about bartending and drinking seems to have been sucked drier than a Montgomery Martini. This slightly irreverent shows us that bartending can be fun and entertaining enjoyable and yet professional all at the same time. Outcome: Laughs and wows aplenty with the necessary hint of serious and a slight reality check for those who have perhaps lost sight of the joy of mixology.”

I have no idea who is teaching it, but I thought it looked fun.  For me, the biggest thing I always try to remember when making drinks is the fact that it should be lots of fun.

Obviously, I understand when a bartender in the weeds can get burned out, but I’m a blogger.  Making drinks isn’t a job for me, it’s a hobby, so I think it should always be fun.

That’s why I like to seanmike my drinks!

seanmike (v.) – to drink a cheap American megabrew between cocktails, either due to drinking your cocktail too quickly or because you feel like it.  Example: “Marshall took too long to make him a drink, so he seanmiked a Miller Lite.”

Hmmm.  I perhaps need to check on that definition…

Whenever someone has offered to send a sample of their product to us – or anyone else in the CSOWG, for that matter – I always say two things.  1, “Thank you very much!”  2, “Please send us a fifth (750 ml).”

Why a fifth?

Well, you see, let me give an example.  One thing you have to remember is that we’re COCKTAIL bloggers, for the most part, mixologists by hobby or trade, and we like to play with the spirit to see what we can do with it.  But even without that, the example might illuminate.

Recently we were sent a mini of Firefly Sweet Tea Bourbon.  I’m not going to deny how much I liked the vodka version and I’ve bought a good bit of it.

Unfortunately for me, the night that I tried the mini they sent me I also got some kind of stomach bug.  I won’t give you the details of what happened a few minutes after drinking it but – uhhhh – yeah.

And that’s it.  I’m out of Firefly Sweet Tea Bourbon.  Unless I pay for my own – and really, I have LITERS of the vodka version at home, so why should I? – that’s my chance to try it.

Now Firefly lucked out.  I found some samples at $1 a bottle, and I tried it.  Now I know how I feel about it (which is generally “meh”, right now, because I only bought a little).  If I had more, I could experiment with some drink making, but to be honest, I can’t be bothered to do so.  I have so many other things I need to work on…

Let’s use another example.  The other day I was out with my brother and a friend, and we ran into another friend at a local bar (Harry’s Tap Room).  He was there with his boss who insisted on buying us shots of Cuervo Reserve de la Familia.  These shots were $25 a PIECE.  No way we’d buy them on our own!

And they tasted like ass.

If I could find a nicer way to phrase it I would, but that’s what happened.  He asked the waiter for them chilled, so maybe it was the ice, but that was some of the worst tequila I’ve ever had – and for $25 a shot, I’m not going to risk it by ordering it again somewhere else.

One chance, one try, one fail.

Finally, sort of the opposite.

I love the Del Maguey Crema de Mezcal.  Ever since I first had it – having made fun of Marshall for buying it – it’s been a staple in my bar, especially post-cigar.  Then, the other night, I left the bottle out on the porch after my cigar.

Oops.

We’ve had a lot of really hot days out.  And it’s 80 proof – but 10% agave.  Would it be okay?

Let me put it this way – if it’s been a mini, it’d have been thrown out.

Knowing it’s something I like, I paid the $40+ for another bottle just so I could compare them.  I do sacrifices like this for you, our dear readers, because I love you so much.

And yeah, it’s okay.

So there’s a lesson here.  When we ask you for a full fifth of a drink, we’re not being greedy or drunk.  We just need room to experiment.  Booze gets drank in a number of different ways, sometimes spilled, sometimes straight, sometimes mixed.  We appreciate and thank everyone who gives us stuff to help us help YOU find what’s good out there – but honestly, give us some room to work!