An online speakeasy of potent potables and other pabulam.

I’m guessing not here since we’ve been a bit remiss on posting as often as we’d like. We’re working on it, honest!

But things I’ve done lately:

• Cigar Advisor revamped as an online magazine. You’ll see something from me in their July issue. But they’re doing tasting competitions with a great deal on the cigars involved, and I did my first round last night. It was a J Fuego Origen Original versus a Schizo 60 versus a Trocadero Honore. The Original was good, though quite a tight draw, and unlabeled which made it hard to figure out which one it was at first. I liked the Honore at first, but it had an interesting spice taste that got a bit old after a while. The Schizo 60 was just a solid cigar, and so I voted for it.
• And it looks my “raccoon traps” – bowls with rags soaked in ammonia – are working to keep the bugger away from me!
• Plum Deluxe posted an article I wrote about upgrading your bar. Read it and comment about it on Facebook should you desire!
• If you know me, you know I like beer. That being said, I am now boycotting Rogue. It started with them suing some NOLA bartenders after they dared name their book “Rogue Cocktails” and now they’re suing a local restaurant, Rogue 24. That’s Not Cool, Rogue.
• Next Friday DC Toasts salutes African-American bartenders. You should go. I will be there. It will be fun.
• Just an FYI: Looks like neither Marshall nor I will be attending Tales this year. It’s sad, but it will be good for my wallet. I will probably write more at length on the biggest reason I’ve decided against going later, but if you’ve read my coverage from previous years (especially 2011) you can probably guess the gist of it.

Well, that’s about it for now. If you’re looking for a good brunch spot, go bug our fellow scofflaw Anthony at Beuchert’s Saloon. Order many Ramos Gin Fizzes and mimosas. Try the oxtail gravy and biscuits, because I haven’t yet but they look fantastic!

So I’ve been super busy since Tales, thanks to work, and wanted to put some thoughts down for y’all.

This was my fourth time going to New Orleans during Tales. Last year I didn’t buy any tickets, and the two previous years I had media badges. This year I bought two tickets – one for the Diageo Happy Hour, and one for the Barroom Brawl – as much originally to get into the tasting rooms as anything else.

Let’s hit the good news first.

Barroom Brawl

This was, by far, the most fun event I’ve ever gone to at Tales. It was insanely packed, and crazy loud, but we were there to support our local and had a great time doing so, even if they lost.

Pig ‘n Punch

Always a great time. I’m amazed at how well they’ve dealt with the growing pains. My complaints were minor this year (I wish they’d had more beer, and the t-shirt was rather see-through for $35), but as every year, I had tons of fun.

The not-quite-so-good news

Tasting Rooms

Often overly full, and hot, and too much citrus in the cocktails. I still had fun at them, but the ones at the Royal Sonesta were very difficult to find at first (if upstairs), and the fact that you had to wear a wristband – and only got one to wear all week, ick – was a pain in the butt.

Diageo Happy Hour

Overall, a good time. The only reason it’s down here, and not up there, is the fact that it seems like it’s gotten to be less of a good time every time I’ve gone. It used to be THE event to meet up with folks, but not so much anymore.

The Bad News

By far the worst event I went to was the William Grant & Sons event. What was worse, in my opinion, is how in typical Tales “let’s suck up to each other fashion”, there was lots of press on “Oh my, it was so fun” the next days, but everyone I talked to (so admittedly anecdotally) didn’t enjoy it.

First: it was offsite, but the only shuttles ran from another offsite event, so if you were in the area of the Monteleone, you had to taxi. For us, it was the most expensive per-person ride due to it being a flat cost per person.

Second: When arriving, there was no direction, signage, or guidance as to where to go.

Third: When we got to registration, despite having exchanged multiple e-mails about RSVPing, none of us were on the list. Then we were just let in anyways, which makes it feel a bit less exclusive (especially after as big of a deal about RSVPs).

Fourth: No guidance after registration, so everyone tried to go through the one open door into the museum. Massive gridlock.

Fifth: Too much citrus in the drinks again. Several of mine were nearly undrinkable.

Sixth: Trying to go to the Hendricks area led to mud up past our ankles. My shoes were ruined. No warning signs on the mud.

Seventh: Trying to get back into the museum, had to navigate a burlesque show that was loudly encouraging the crowd to yell to get the women to strip. It seemed more like a strip club than something that should be at Tales.

Finally: Trying to leave, there was again no guidance, a messed-up cab line, and just a general pain in the ass. Fortunately Bellocq made us feel better.

Anyways, that’s my quick rant on Tales, courtesy of Reno, NV (a story you’ll see next week here, probably). And some pictures too, when I can find them and get them uploaded!

If you’re like me, you’re pretty awesome. Also, you’re pretty darn excited about heading to New Orleans next week.

For those of y’all going for the first time, I thought I’d write up some thoughts I had on surviving the week. The last three years I’ve gone for at least a week at a time for Tales, and I’ve paid attention to the veterans. I haven’t always followed their lead, but hey…

First off – if you’re a guy, consider a messenger bag. Why?

Well, in my opinion, you’ll always want to be carrying several things with you. Don’t try to stuff ‘em in your pockets. You’ll probably have:

• Cell phone and accessories. Don’t expect to find lots of outlets, so bring a battery charger (you can get ‘em off Amazon for like $30-something), charge cables (in case you do find one), and an extra battery.
• You may have other electronics: Kindles, iPads, whatever. Having them in a bag makes them less susceptible to damage and protects them from accidental water damage (say, if someone waters their plant on a balcony above you).
• Umbrella. You never know when it might rain.
• An extra t-shirt and socks, at least. It’s hot, it’s sticky, this will make you happier!
• Flasks!  Remember, though: you are not in a race to get drunk! There’s plenty of booze around. But it’s fun to have something to share.
• Water bottle. You’ll need hydration! Fill it up every chance you get, and drink out of it regularly.
• 5 Hour Energy. If you’re hot, you may not want coffee, and you shouldn’t stint on the caffeine. These, at least, don’t need to be refrigerated, and will get your caffeine fix in fast.

So that’s walking around stuff. What about in your room?

• Lots of extra clothes. You can’t pack enough. Change regularly, it’ll keep you happier.
• Pedialyte, or its Walgreen-generic-equivalent. One before bed, one when you wake up, and that’ll help a lot. Gatorade is not as efficient, but (to me) seems sometimes better for “mass hydration” in the morning.
• Toilet paper. HA! Not the hotel brand. Consider getting some good stuff. You’ll probably be suffering from swamp ass (that’s the technical term) and … well, just trust someone who travels a lot.
• Caffeine. I plan on keeping a supply of Coke Zero and 5 Hour Energy. We should have a fridge, and if you do…
• Beer. Because you won’t always want cocktails, and if it’s in a can, you can take it with you.
• Underberg or other amaro. If you bring Underberg minis, you can carry them with (drink and dispose fast, folks, they’re glass and you can’t just walk around with them on the street in NOLA). You’ll be eating a lot, and this will make you feel better.
• A power strip. If you’re sharing a room, this will make life a lot easier if you’re trying to recharge multiple devices.

Alright, so we’ve got all that. Now what are we doing?

• Don’t just do Tales. NOLA is a fantastic town full of great things to do. Try to get out of the French Quarter at least once.
• EAT. OH MY GOODNESS. Make a list of restaurants that are recommended. Write them down, and write down their hours, days of operation, and addresses. Consider going at “off times” – like as early as possible for lunch, or between lunch and dinner, to avoid crowds (unless you want crowds!). There are so many fantastic places to eat around there I’m not even going to consider getting into them…
• Don’t be afraid to taxi. Save the wear and tear from walking around if you can.
• LISTEN TO MUSIC. So much great music! Try to hit dba at least once, for instance.
• Only carry as much cash as you need, and be careful with how many cards you carry. I’ve only personally known one person robbed during Tales, but that’s one too many. Just be careful and don’t flash your cash.
• Use your apps to find out what folks are up to! That’s why we all have smartphones, right?

Which apps do I suggest keeping an eye on?

• Twitter: my current favorite social media app. Watch for the #totc hash tag and for others to show up. If you want to follow me on there, I’m there as HighwayStar.
• Foursquare: see where folks are at that moment. HINT: it’s probably the Carousel Bar. Or the nearby Walgreens, buying Pedialyte and morning after pills.
• Facebook: obviously, some statuses, and also some checkins, so you might want to create a custom list for your friends that are there. Also, use it and Twitter to torture folks back at home.
• Google+: HAHAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING

If you’re going to be there, hope to see you there, and if not, hope to torture you from there! THREE DAYS AND COUNTING YAY!

This year is the 10th Anniversary of Tales of the Cocktail. Tales (for short) is an event thrown annually in New Orleans, Louisiana which celebrates the American gift to global culinary-world, the cocktail. Between July 25th and 29th the world’s best bartenders, brand ambassadors, restauranteurs, distilleries, writers,  importers and aficionados will meet to attend educational seminars, network, reconnect with old friends and meet new friends.

It just so happens that through a strange feat of cosmic happenstance, my bachelor party is going to be held in New Orleans July 22nd through 24th.  Since I’m already going to be in NOLA, why not stay for Tales?!?! Now, I know what you may be thinking; “Poor Marshall, he’s having a bachelor party in NOLA followed by a cocktail convention. I hope he has is affairs in order because he’s going to die.” In response I say yes, I have everything in order and I’ll be surrounded by good people and good friends so  I don’t foresee anything dangerous. Of course, I would be lying if I didn’t say I wasn’t a little worried about what my bar buddies will do once they know I’m on my bachelor party!

I haven’t been to Tales since 2009 so I’m really excited to get back. One reason I’m so excited about Tales this year is because of the Scofflaw’s Den expansion. With the popularity of classes and the requests for private events, we will be officially offering cocktail consulting services (private events, private classes, custom cocktail catering, event consulting and bartending) this summer. I want to talk to experts and potential partners and sponsors for events, classes, etc.

Another reason I’m excited is to be able to meet and discuss bitters with those who currently make and sell their own brand of bitters. As regular readers of Scofflaw’s Den and good friends around DC know, I’ve been making my own personal brand of cocktail bitters for personal consumption and gifts to friends and bartenders around town. I have three flavors of bitters, a barrel-aged aromatic, lavender and a floral bitters.

During next week, I’ll have bottles of my bitters available for purchase if anyone is interested. (I’ve got to help pay for my trip somehow!) 50ml bottles are $15 and 100ml bottles (Aromatic & Lavender only) are $20. All three flavors in 50ml bottles are $40. If you’ll be at Tales and are interested in reserving some bitters, email me at Marshall@scofflawsden.com and I’ll set aside some bottles and we’ll arrange a time to meet up.

Also, if you’re going to be in NOLA and at Tales, feel free to meet up for a drink anytime during the week! I’m always excited to meet other enthusiasts, writers, bartenders, ambassadors, etc. Below is some great ways to keep in contact and find out where I’m causing trouble.

Twitter – @VAScofflaw

Foursquare – Marshall

I’ll have ye olde smart phone with me at all times so I hope to do some live blogging at various Tales events and get-togethers. But for liability purposes and to protect the innocent, there will be no live-blogging to the bachelor party!

Cheers!