An online speakeasy of potent potables and other pabulam.

No, not a new dance craze or an alternative lifestyle establishment. The Twist & Sparkle is a home carbonation contraption that allows you to carbonate four cups of water or three cups of any other kind of beverage.

The GF gave me a twist & sparkle for my birthday. (Oh, I can’t believe I just typed that! Perverts!) Now I have an iSi sofa siphon that I use to make soda water and I really enjoy it. The T&S allows me to carbonate other delicious drinks. I think you know where I’m going with this.

Last weekend while hanging out at a friend’s house who has a T&S, we carbonated several batches of pisco punch. Other than the carbonation, the flavor of the punch was slightly altered. Basically, the flavor was a bit muted. We added a little extra lime juice to punch (get it?) up the tartness and the second batch came out great.

Another great benefit is making homemade sodas. And the first think I had to make was ginger beer! I used Morgenblogger’s recipe. It’s a very simple recipe and tasty to boot.

I know my co-blogger has carbonated negronis and Wray & Nephew Overproof rum. All good decisions. I definitely want to try carbonating a Louisiane and a chartreuse swizzle has to be carbonated.

As I investigate more fun uses I’ll report back.

Cheers!

“Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.”
“Carla was the prom queen.”
“Really?”
(chambers a round in his gun) “Yeah.”

Sorry. I love that movie (The Rock, if you have to ask). We used to watch it twice a night in college – once on a copy with crappy video and good sound, and once with a copy that had good video and crappy sound. Typically put away a block of Kroger’s brand pepper jack cheese and a bag of tortilla chips along with a couple of 40s while doing it.

No, I do not wonder why I am fat.

When DJ Hawaiian Shirt aka MEESTER CHREES posted this topic my first thought was to whine. After all, I did not go home with the prom queen.

To be honest, I don’t even remember who the prom queen was. Though, by careful scientific calculation, I’m sure that whomever she was, she’d want to hook up with me now, definitely, unless she’s married, in which case she’d just be thinking about in the back of her head.

(waits for someone from high school to read this blog post and either direly insult me or post pictures of how dorky I am was back then)

(waits for Marshall to say something so he can break out Photoshop and have some real fun)

Anyways, I realized I did have a drink that was popular. It’s not that I don’t think I make good drinks (SHUT THE HELL UP REST OF THE COCKTAIL BLOGGER COMMUNITY) it’s just that I don’t typically sit around and tweak them until they’re perfect.

THAT’S MY EXCUSE AND I’M STICKING TO IT.

But some of them have been popular.

Back a few years ago (2, to be precise) I decided to come up with drinks named after a bunch of folks working up to Tales of the Cocktail 2009.

Oh, to be young and stupid in those days!

One of the drinks I did I named after local bartender Derek Brown. To call him just a “bartender” is to call Tiger Woods just a “golfer” or “trashy girl aficionado” or to call [POLITICIAN RANT DELETED].

Those motherfu[DELETED] how much I [DELETED].

Sorry.

Basically, this was an easy drink to come up with: Dolin Blanc is delicious. At the time – and I don’t think he still is, but I could be wrong, and don’t have time to double-check so as to give this post the delicious patina of last-minute-panic that DJ Hawaiian Shirt evidently just drinks in from my posts – he was a brand rep for Domaine de Canton.

Thus, the Derek:

The Derek
3-4 leaves of mint
1/2 ounce Domaine de Canton
3 ounces Dolin Blanc
1 dash orange bitters (Regans #6)
Lightly muddle the mint and Domaine de Canton in an old-fashioned glass.  Add the vermouth, bitters, and ice.  Stir gently to mix.  Garnish with a fresh sprig of mint.

(The post I originally put this in explains why it has so much better a picture than I’d normally give a drink.)

The really cool thing about this drink is how easily it’s modified; just sub out the Domaine, really. Try The Bitter Truth E***X***R, for instance, or Berechovka – two of the drinks I’ve had recently – or even better, try Hum. Replace the Dolin Blanc with Caparno.

Okay, there’s one of my best drinks. People really seemed to like it.

But this is SCOFFLAW’S DEN! We don’t just kowtow to MxMo with one drink! NEIN! NYET! NO! We do multiple drinks!

So, I give you, by far, and without pictures, the two most popular drinks I’ve ever come up with. In some synchronicity, these are also named after people I know. In fact, it’s my brother and my sister-in-law.

Back in the hectic, lawless, far-flung days of 2009 I lived with my brother and his fiancée. As they approached the sacred rites that would bond them as one, forever destined to take care of two flagrantly obnoxious cats, and one condo surrounded by some pusillanimous (and some recherché, I admit) neighbors, I suggested I’d make up drinks named for each of them. They liked the idea and I disseminated some test drinks which, soon enough, got narrowed down to these. The fact that their cakes would be soaked in Grand Marnier gave me the appropriate animus.

The Matt
2 ounces Crown Royal
1/2 ounce Grand Marnier
2-3 dashes Regan’s #6 orange bitters
Top with Coca-cola
Build in a low ball glass. Stir.

A lot of my family likes Crown & Coke and so I built from there. What’s scary about this drink is how easily it goes down, as the GM just makes it … well, damn easy to drink. Even if you replace the Crown with rum (as one guest did at the reception) or the Coke with diet (as many guests did).

The Cathy
1/2 ounce Grand Marnier
1/2 ounce vodka
Top with sparkling wine/champagne
Garnish with a long twist of orange peel
Build in a champagne flute

Like the other drink, I also wanted to make sure these were easy to make for the bartenders. When I tested this for the first time I was actually asked (surprisingly to me) to make it stronger, thus the vodka.

Warning note: Five of these might mean you nap somewhere you’d rather not do so.

So that’s it for this MxMo. Thanks to DJ Hawaiian Shirt for hosting, and Paul for organizing. Cheers!

Not long ago I received a question via the Twitter regarding what to order at an airport bar. Then, just yesterday I was asked about what drinks someone should order out at a bar that wasn’t as complicated as my usual missives. And the final nail in this coffin was a friend commenting that he was really tired of telling bartenders that Jack Daniels was not bourbon.

All of this got me to thinking – dangerous I know – about how tough it really is to still get a decent drink. Now don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of bartenders who aren’t into the booze-nerdyism. A shot and a beer and the occasional gin and tonic or something-and-soda is just fine thank you very much. And I have no problem with that whatsoever.

In my opinion, what it comes down to is this: as the drinker, what are you looking for and can you adapt? Bottom line is that you shouldn’t force the bar to conform to your expectations, especially if those expectations are contrary to the type of bar you’re currently sitting in.

For example, if I’m out at a speakeasy-style craft cocktail bar and order a Southside, I have a level of expectation on how that drink will be made and the quality of the final product. If I’m at Chili’s, I’m not going to expect the bartender to know what a Southside is, much less how to make it. And if they do make me something called a “Southside” that is not at all what I was expecting, then that is my fault.

Once I was sitting at a well known craft cocktail bar here in DC and listened to two baseball-cap wearing, fraternity row gadabouts bitch and complain about the menu being too wordy, the drinks taking too long to make, and the lack of drunk sorority chicks dancing on the tables. (And yes, this was the exact topics of their discussion.) They finished their first round of drinks, threw some wadded up bills on the bar and walked out. I don’t think they ever got their bill and I’m sure they left a paltry tip, if any at all.

Since their expectations were out of sync with the bar, they had a bad time and took it out on the establishment. The bar did nothing but operate along it’s normal course.

So, what to do at the airport or hotel bar? Adapt.

First, look at a menu. What is the most prominent spirit used? Do the cocktails look somewhat tasty on the menu? Second, look behind the bar? Are there 30 flavors of vodka, 1 bottle of Beefeater, a few random whiskeys, and a bottle of sweet vermouth with half an inch of dust on it’s shoulders? Or do they have bitters prominently displayed, multiple kinds of gin, whiskey, and liqueurs, and gleaming barware ready to be used? Finally, see what others are drinking and, just as important, how the bartender is interacting with the customers. This will tell you if he or she cares what the customers are drinking or whether he or she couldn’t care less.

What to drink? Depends on what you find. If it’s a vodka heavy hotel/airport bar and I’m going with hard alcohol, I’ll order a two ingredient drink: bourbon and ginger, gin and tonic, rum and coke, etc. Or I’ll stick with beer if they have something interesting. Since I’m not a big beer drinker, it would have to be something that catches my eye and outside the Sam Adams, Corona, Bud Light rubric.

If the bar looks like it could crank out a proper cocktail, talk to the bartender. Does he or she know how to make a negroni? Will they ask you if you want fruit salad in your Old Fashioned? Do they have bitter and if so, do they actually use them? You’ll learn a lot just by talking to the bartender and then you’ll be directed on which libation road to travel.

If you get really lucky and the bar has a bottle of Campari and a reasonably fresh bottle of sweet vermouth, you may be able to ask for a negroni.

Negroni
1 oz each Gin, Campari & Sweet Vermouth
-Stir over ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass.
-Alternatively just build it an ice filled rocks glass and you’re set. None of that thar fancy stirrin’ stuff.

(Yes, I realize that is not Campari. But it’s delicious and good luck finding a bottle of Gran Classico at an airport or hotel bar!)

Sometimes an old favorite cocktail is just what is needed. Something familiar, comfortable, and preferably, easy to make. The other day I was in the mood for just such a cocktail. After a few moments of thought (which caused a bit of a sweat) I decided on a whiskey sour.

My normal whiskey sour is something like this:

2oz Bourbon (or Rye)
1oz fresh lemon juice
.75oz simple syrup

-Shaken, double strained and served up. If I give it a taste and the particular lemon I used is intensely sour, I’ll pour the drink over fresh ice in a rocks glass.

Ahhh . . . that hit the spot. But I couldn’t leave well enough alone. I am a big fan of Averna. If you attended the 2009 Repeal Day Ball, you probably already knew that. That’s all I’ll say because I have a constitutional right not to incriminate myself.

Moving on . . . I decided to play around with the basic whiskey sour and see if I could come up with something tasty using Averna. There were several attempts that just didn’t work – too sour, too sweet, strange finish, etc. etc. I soldiered on and after the kitchen drain was drunk from my toss-aways, I hit upon a formula that hit the spot. So I give you,

Whiskaverna Sour
1.25oz 100 proof Rye
.75oz Averna
.50oz fresh lemon juice
.50oz simple syrup
2 dashes orange bitters

-Shake, double strain, serve up with a lemon twist.

This combines the lovely sweet-bitterness of the amaro and the classic whiskey sour wonderfully. I would love to hear comments on the recipe or any tweaks you may have in the comments!

And I have the share my latest toy. While visiting my mother over the holidays, we went to several antique stores. Always on the look out for cocktail gear, I found some interesting items. There were some glasses, but compared to what I can get at Good Will, they were over-priced. There were a plethora of shakers. Most novelty shakers from the 80′s but a few from the 60′s and 70′s. Eh. They just didn’t catch my attention enough to buy any. But then! While walking through one store, I found IT!

An early 1900′s soda siphon! The gaskets on the inside are completely corroded so I’m pretty sure it is unusable. (If anyone out there knows of a way to restore this gorgeous thing, please let me know!) It weighs about 5 pounds, is double walled glass with what looks like a glass pipe in the chamber. The removable CO2 chamber is made of iron. It was part of an estate and the store owner said the syphon was found in a box in a barn. I gave the top a little elbow grease with some Bartender’s Helper and it shined up nicely. It’s a great piece and I just had to share.

Finally, I wanted to leave you with a final cocktail I enjoyed tonight.

Les Voûtes
1.5oz Rye
.50oz Sweet Vermouth
.50oz Yellow Chartreuse
1 barspoon of kirschwasser
2 dashes orange bitters

-Stir with cracked ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

Ummmm, delicious!