An online speakeasy of potent potables and other pabulam.

“Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.”
“Carla was the prom queen.”
“Really?”
(chambers a round in his gun) “Yeah.”

Sorry. I love that movie (The Rock, if you have to ask). We used to watch it twice a night in college – once on a copy with crappy video and good sound, and once with a copy that had good video and crappy sound. Typically put away a block of Kroger’s brand pepper jack cheese and a bag of tortilla chips along with a couple of 40s while doing it.

No, I do not wonder why I am fat.

When DJ Hawaiian Shirt aka MEESTER CHREES posted this topic my first thought was to whine. After all, I did not go home with the prom queen.

To be honest, I don’t even remember who the prom queen was. Though, by careful scientific calculation, I’m sure that whomever she was, she’d want to hook up with me now, definitely, unless she’s married, in which case she’d just be thinking about in the back of her head.

(waits for someone from high school to read this blog post and either direly insult me or post pictures of how dorky I am was back then)

(waits for Marshall to say something so he can break out Photoshop and have some real fun)

Anyways, I realized I did have a drink that was popular. It’s not that I don’t think I make good drinks (SHUT THE HELL UP REST OF THE COCKTAIL BLOGGER COMMUNITY) it’s just that I don’t typically sit around and tweak them until they’re perfect.

THAT’S MY EXCUSE AND I’M STICKING TO IT.

But some of them have been popular.

I don't know KP is hosting it but hey.

Back a few years ago (2, to be precise) I decided to come up with drinks named after a bunch of folks working up to Tales of the Cocktail 2009.

Oh, to be young and stupid in those days!

One of the drinks I did I named after local bartender Derek Brown. To call him just a “bartender” is to call Tiger Woods just a “golfer” or “trashy girl aficionado” or to call [POLITICIAN RANT DELETED].

Those motherfu[DELETED] how much I [DELETED].

Sorry.

Basically, this was an easy drink to come up with: Dolin Blanc is delicious. At the time – and I don’t think he still is, but I could be wrong, and don’t have time to double-check so as to give this post the delicious patina of last-minute-panic that DJ Hawaiian Shirt evidently just drinks in from my posts – he was a brand rep for Domaine de Canton.

Thus, the Derek:

The Derek
3-4 leaves of mint
1/2 ounce Domaine de Canton
3 ounces Dolin Blanc
1 dash orange bitters (Regans #6)
Lightly muddle the mint and Domaine de Canton in an old-fashioned glass.  Add the vermouth, bitters, and ice.  Stir gently to mix.  Garnish with a fresh sprig of mint.

(The post I originally put this in explains why it has so much better a picture than I’d normally give a drink.)

The really cool thing about this drink is how easily it’s modified; just sub out the Domaine, really. Try The Bitter Truth E***X***R, for instance, or Berechovka – two of the drinks I’ve had recently – or even better, try Hum. Replace the Dolin Blanc with Caparno.

Okay, there’s one of my best drinks. People really seemed to like it.

But this is SCOFFLAW’S DEN! We don’t just kowtow to MxMo with one drink! NEIN! NYET! NO! We do multiple drinks!

So, I give you, by far, and without pictures, the two most popular drinks I’ve ever come up with. In some synchronicity, these are also named after people I know. In fact, it’s my brother and my sister-in-law.

Back in the hectic, lawless, far-flung days of 2009 I lived with my brother and his fiancée. As they approached the sacred rites that would bond them as one, forever destined to take care of two flagrantly obnoxious cats, and one condo surrounded by some pusillanimous (and some recherché, I admit) neighbors, I suggested I’d make up drinks named for each of them. They liked the idea and I disseminated some test drinks which, soon enough, got narrowed down to these. The fact that their cakes would be soaked in Grand Marnier gave me the appropriate animus.

The Matt
2 ounces Crown Royal
1/2 ounce Grand Marnier
2-3 dashes Regan’s #6 orange bitters
Top with Coca-cola
Build in a low ball glass. Stir.

A lot of my family likes Crown & Coke and so I built from there. What’s scary about this drink is how easily it goes down, as the GM just makes it … well, damn easy to drink. Even if you replace the Crown with rum (as one guest did at the reception) or the Coke with diet (as many guests did).

The Cathy
1/2 ounce Grand Marnier
1/2 ounce vodka
Top with sparkling wine/champagne
Garnish with a long twist of orange peel
Build in a champagne flute

Like the other drink, I also wanted to make sure these were easy to make for the bartenders. When I tested this for the first time I was actually asked (surprisingly to me) to make it stronger, thus the vodka.

Warning note: Five of these might mean you nap somewhere you’d rather not do so.

So that’s it for this MxMo. Thanks to DJ Hawaiian Shirt for hosting, and Paul for organizing. Cheers!

No, not mine…still working on that vital step before it “finding a girlfriend”.  Instead, it was my brother’s wedding as he married Cathy.  They’re on their honeymoon right now, giving me some vital quiet alone time in the house (I live with the two of them for the time being, though that’ll change soon) which is also showing me how freaking insane our damn cats are when they feel neglected.

But you don’t come here to the Den to read about cats, you come for the drinks.

Cathy had asked me to come up with drinks for each of them for the wedding reception.  We talked about it with the wedding planner at the Four Seasons Georgetown and she liked the idea, so I started banging my head against a table.  What would be a good drink for each of them?

Matt – most of his liquor drinks are “something and coke” – usually Jack Daniels or Crown Royal (Crown Royal being the unofficial family drink of our clan, it seems).  I had hoped to convince Crown to hook us up for the wedding, but alas, they didn’t write back to me.  He’s not a fan of very “liquor”-y tasting drinks.

Cathy – her primary drink is usually the kir royale or some variation of it – Chambord or creme de cassis topped with champagne, basically.  One long night I’d invented a drink called the “Cathy cocktail” which was Hendricks, creme de cassis, and something else topped with Sprite but I wanted something new.

I took into consideration a few other things, too:

1. The wedding cakes would be soaked in Grand Marnier.
2. The drinks should be easy on everyone – in terms of tastes.  I might love a good Sazerac, but that doesn’t mean my cousins do.
3. It should be easily made by the Four Seasons.

So I started experimenting.  From the looks and the sounds of it, I hit the ball out of the ballpark with both of them – especially by the descriptions of some of the hangovers!

I’ll show the Cathy first, since it doesn’t have my ugly mug in the picture.

This picture is from our friend Jennie Lin (used with permission).  She and Debbie are enjoying a Cathy’s Cocktail.

Cathy’s Cocktail
1/2 ounce vodka
1/2 ounce Grand Marnier
Dash of Chambord
Champagne
Shake the vodka and Grand Marnier together.  Pour a dash of Chambord into a champagne flute and swirl it around to coat the flute.  Pour in the vodka and Grand Marnier, then top with champagne.  Garnish with a twist of orange rind.

One of the things that the Four Seasons did for both was premix parts of it, and that made them faster.  Which is a good thing to do with hundreds of guests, but after the reception I went upstairs and had Kevin at the Bourbon Steak bar make another Matt’s Cocktail and it was goshdarned delicious-er.

(And if you’re wondering, I’m going back to the bar at Bourbon Steak, as their drinks and food were AWESOME, but I want to devote some time just to that.)

Here I’m holding up a Matt’s Cocktail while Joanna and I sing along with some song that the DJ was playing (picture courtesy of her husband, Mike Conroy).  That’s the kind of thing that a drink like this will do to you – it’ll fill you up with sugar and caffeine and make you silly.  I hadn’t drank that much “regular” Coke in years and I definitely did not sleep at all that night (well, for the most part).

Matt’s Cocktail
2 ounces Crown Royal
1 ounce Grand Marnier
2 dashes Regan’s Orange Bitters
Coca-Cola
Shake the first three things over ice and strain into a glass.  Top with Coke.

So – have any of y’all out there made specialty drinks for someone’s big occasion?  How’d it go?

A while ago – and I’m not going to dignify by saying how long ago, as it makes me look more like a slacker the more I think about it – my compatriot

tmfiii

and I did a taste test of three different orange liqueurs – Cointreau, Grand Marnier, and Creole Shrubb.

The impetus behind this endeavor was our new acquisition of bottles of Creole Shrubb, as well as knowledge of how certain drinks such as the Satan’s Whiskers will have different variations using both Cointreau and Grand Marnier.  Marshall has a preference towards Cointreau over all, or at least, he did before the Creole Shrubb.  I, personally, had usually been agnostic, typically sticking with Cointreau for mixed drinks but not afraid to have a nice big pour of Grand Marnier along with a beer as a post-dinner bar drink.

Yeah, I’d gotten that habit from some bartender friends and it works well as a digestif.  I just don’t do Budweiser like most of them do.

So we sat down and did the tasting.  I do believe I have pictures of it, but if you remember from a day or two ago I’ll be darned if I can remember where my dang camera/USB cable is.  Therefore and thusly, I’ll edit this post with pictures when and if I find them, and you can come back here constantly and check it if it matters that much to you.

EDIT: Twice in a row attempts to insert pictures into the post have caused Firefox to crash.  Screw this I’ll put in a new post.

(Not tonight, though, since I have kickball.  At least, assuming that we don’t go to the bar afterwards.  What, a cocktail nerd can’t go play flip cup with cheap domestic beer?  Would you rather I do it with a hefeweizen or Belgian?  Perhaps you’d like to cover my bar tab, eh buddy?  Huh?  Would ya?  Because if you would, that’d be swell.)

A few notes, first.

Each of the liqueurs are 40% alcohol by volume, so 80 proof.  We did each by nose, color, and taste, with taste being broken up between “straight” and “on ice”.

Another thing:  I did them in order Cointreau -> Creole Shrubb -> Grand Marnier.  Marshall did them in the opposite order, either because he’s a card-carrying freedom-hating commie mutant traitor, or possibly because he was sitting on the opposite side of the table from me.  Keep that in mind for definitions of what we thought of things.

Cointreau
Base: neutral spirits

Cointreau is the original triple sec.  In fact, it’s so original that they don’t even put that on the label anymore, THAT’S how original it is.  If you’re extremely interested in the history of triple secs and Cointreau in general, there are books that go into it in more detail.  What matters most to me is how well it mixes in drink, and the fact that my precious 375mL bottle, which I’ve refilled several times from miniature bottles because, if you haven’t figured this out already, I’m really not that bright, desperately needs replacing.  Maybe today.

Color:  Clear

Nose:

SeanMike:  I found a hint of orange, but also a hint of alcohol to it.
Marshall:  Clean, sweeter smell, alcohol/medicinal back, not as hot as the other two.  Strong orange.

Taste (straight):

SeanMike:  orange (obviously), sweet fills the mouth with a definite burn on swallow, leaving a sweet, sticky orange taste in the mouth and a mellow burn down the throat.  No taste but orange.
Marshall:  Very sweet, low burn, orange coats mouth well; not bitter; slightly viscous – good mouth feel.

Taste (on ice):

SeanMike: Still has the burn…orange is still prevalent, very little complexity that I can pick up.
Marshall:  Much more viscous; no burn; orange very upfront and dissipates quickly; Ice seems to soften up / round out flavors; very good over ice.

Creole Shrubb
Base: Rum

Creole Shrubb is a rare bird in this part of the country – Marshall had to order his from Sam’s Wines over in Chicago while I managed to find mine in a close-out bin over at Ace Beverage.  Unfortunately for me, not long ago Marshall, some friends, and I polished it off while drinking and smoking cigars at a friend’s place in my condo complex, so it’s gone.  I’m either going to have to order more or beg/suck up to Joe to get more.

Color:  tawny, pale (SeanMike), gold (Marshall)

Nose:

SeanMike:  orange, spice, a bit of rum
Marshall:  sweet, bitter orange not as forward as Grand Marnier, rum back gives it an earthy/musky bent, not as hot as G.M.

Taste (straight):

SeanMike:  much more subtle orange, no burn at all.  Leaves an orange afterglow in the mouth with a lingering burn hint in the back of the throat.  Hints of something floral.
Marshall:  Viscous – good mouth feel; very sweet; no burn; after taste very slightly bitter; woodsy/earthy taste from rum base.  Round flavor.

Taste (on ice):

SeanMike:  Lowers the overall hit of orange but still has floral, leaves a lingering burn after swallow that is not unpleasant
Marshall:  Thick; orange is diminished but stays on palette longer; sweetness of rum is enhanced.

Grand Marnier
Base: cognac

I spent the last few minutes (since I’m writing this while at my office – sshhhh, don’t tell anyone) trying to think of jokes about cognac and France while wandering around talking to people in my office.  Yes, it’s an exciting joke, but short of calling it surrendergac or something like that I decided, well, crap, I’m not going to make fun of it.  To be honest, I don’t know much about Grand Marnier outside of what it is, and no, that’s not an argument about what is is or anything like that.  I do know you can find really big bottles of it that make me laugh, and really expensive bottles, and that bartenders like to drink it, and so does my future sister-in-law’s dad (who I had high hopes of introducing to Creole Shrubb but the before-mentioned drinking of it with cigars helped negate that), and hey, I like it too.  Mostly straight, because the only drink I use it in regularly seems to be margaritas, for differing values of “regularly” (i.e. I don’t make those concoctions very regularly, but when I do, I think I use G.M. in it – or maybe in Satan’s Whiskers…I can’t remember, I’m distressingly sober right now).

Color:  golden, dark (SeanMike), dark amber (Marshall)

Nose:

SeanMike:  Strongest of orange, masks the rest.
Marshall:  hot, sweet, strong orange smell, cognac very much on par with orange

Taste (straight):

SeanMike:  Milder orange with a mild burn, lots of hints of something (maybe caramel?) and other flavors.  Leaves an interesting tingle on the gums.
Marshall:  Seems less viscous; not nearly as sweet; orange tends to be very forward then backs off quickly -> not much after taste.  Low burn as well.  Round flavor.

Taste (on ice):

SeanMike:  Almost a completely different drink.  Much much less orange, none of th cognac feel and a long, consistent lingering burn.  A little less syrupy but remains thicker than the others.
Marshall:  Orange is a back note & cognac jumps to the fore; good mouth feel & nice sweetness, still well rounded.

So that’s it!  Note I didn’t put a conclusion or anything on here.  I would say that none of them were bad, per se, but rather that they all have their own place.  I feel like the best by itself was the Creole Shrubb by a long margin, and the G.M. between the other two, but through experience I think Cointreau often works the best as an ingredient in cocktails.

Your mileage, of course, may vary, and I’m sure Marshall will pipe up in the comments to give his $.02 worth.

And as a side note, after conceiving of this idea but before getting around to actually implementing it, we did find out that Jay from Oh, Gosh! was doing the same thing!

His is incredibly more detailed and has a lot more products than we have.  I highly recommend you go hit his blog postings about it – he has some interesting triple secs et al that I haven’t heard of before, and he isn’t handicapped by having half his blog run by a befuddled dolt (that would be the guy on this blog that isn’t bald, thank you very little).

But that might be just the fact that it’s getting seriously close to time to go home for me!

Enjoy!