An online speakeasy of potent potables and other pabulam.

“Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.”
“Carla was the prom queen.”
“Really?”
(chambers a round in his gun) “Yeah.”

Sorry. I love that movie (The Rock, if you have to ask). We used to watch it twice a night in college – once on a copy with crappy video and good sound, and once with a copy that had good video and crappy sound. Typically put away a block of Kroger’s brand pepper jack cheese and a bag of tortilla chips along with a couple of 40s while doing it.

No, I do not wonder why I am fat.

When DJ Hawaiian Shirt aka MEESTER CHREES posted this topic my first thought was to whine. After all, I did not go home with the prom queen.

To be honest, I don’t even remember who the prom queen was. Though, by careful scientific calculation, I’m sure that whomever she was, she’d want to hook up with me now, definitely, unless she’s married, in which case she’d just be thinking about in the back of her head.

(waits for someone from high school to read this blog post and either direly insult me or post pictures of how dorky I am was back then)

(waits for Marshall to say something so he can break out Photoshop and have some real fun)

Anyways, I realized I did have a drink that was popular. It’s not that I don’t think I make good drinks (SHUT THE HELL UP REST OF THE COCKTAIL BLOGGER COMMUNITY) it’s just that I don’t typically sit around and tweak them until they’re perfect.

THAT’S MY EXCUSE AND I’M STICKING TO IT.

But some of them have been popular.

I don't know KP is hosting it but hey.

Back a few years ago (2, to be precise) I decided to come up with drinks named after a bunch of folks working up to Tales of the Cocktail 2009.

Oh, to be young and stupid in those days!

One of the drinks I did I named after local bartender Derek Brown. To call him just a “bartender” is to call Tiger Woods just a “golfer” or “trashy girl aficionado” or to call [POLITICIAN RANT DELETED].

Those motherfu[DELETED] how much I [DELETED].

Sorry.

Basically, this was an easy drink to come up with: Dolin Blanc is delicious. At the time – and I don’t think he still is, but I could be wrong, and don’t have time to double-check so as to give this post the delicious patina of last-minute-panic that DJ Hawaiian Shirt evidently just drinks in from my posts – he was a brand rep for Domaine de Canton.

Thus, the Derek:

The Derek
3-4 leaves of mint
1/2 ounce Domaine de Canton
3 ounces Dolin Blanc
1 dash orange bitters (Regans #6)
Lightly muddle the mint and Domaine de Canton in an old-fashioned glass.  Add the vermouth, bitters, and ice.  Stir gently to mix.  Garnish with a fresh sprig of mint.

(The post I originally put this in explains why it has so much better a picture than I’d normally give a drink.)

The really cool thing about this drink is how easily it’s modified; just sub out the Domaine, really. Try The Bitter Truth E***X***R, for instance, or Berechovka – two of the drinks I’ve had recently – or even better, try Hum. Replace the Dolin Blanc with Caparno.

Okay, there’s one of my best drinks. People really seemed to like it.

But this is SCOFFLAW’S DEN! We don’t just kowtow to MxMo with one drink! NEIN! NYET! NO! We do multiple drinks!

So, I give you, by far, and without pictures, the two most popular drinks I’ve ever come up with. In some synchronicity, these are also named after people I know. In fact, it’s my brother and my sister-in-law.

Back in the hectic, lawless, far-flung days of 2009 I lived with my brother and his fiancée. As they approached the sacred rites that would bond them as one, forever destined to take care of two flagrantly obnoxious cats, and one condo surrounded by some pusillanimous (and some recherché, I admit) neighbors, I suggested I’d make up drinks named for each of them. They liked the idea and I disseminated some test drinks which, soon enough, got narrowed down to these. The fact that their cakes would be soaked in Grand Marnier gave me the appropriate animus.

The Matt
2 ounces Crown Royal
1/2 ounce Grand Marnier
2-3 dashes Regan’s #6 orange bitters
Top with Coca-cola
Build in a low ball glass. Stir.

A lot of my family likes Crown & Coke and so I built from there. What’s scary about this drink is how easily it goes down, as the GM just makes it … well, damn easy to drink. Even if you replace the Crown with rum (as one guest did at the reception) or the Coke with diet (as many guests did).

The Cathy
1/2 ounce Grand Marnier
1/2 ounce vodka
Top with sparkling wine/champagne
Garnish with a long twist of orange peel
Build in a champagne flute

Like the other drink, I also wanted to make sure these were easy to make for the bartenders. When I tested this for the first time I was actually asked (surprisingly to me) to make it stronger, thus the vodka.

Warning note: Five of these might mean you nap somewhere you’d rather not do so.

So that’s it for this MxMo. Thanks to DJ Hawaiian Shirt for hosting, and Paul for organizing. Cheers!

Really, it all started, as so many things in my life do, with me running my mouth.

Me after the Super Bowl

You see, I figured that no matter who won the NFC, it wouldn’t matter – the AFC team was going to win the Super Bowl. And, of course, I thought that even more when my favorite team (the Pittsburgh Steelers) looked like they were going to make it. In fact, I was so confident I said I’d post about vodka – the oft-derided liquor of many cocktailians – if the NFC games that weekend mattered.

Well…damn.

I also received two bottles of Tito’s Vodka in the mail. I’d never had it before though I’d seen good things about it. A lot of people will argue that all vodkas taste the same, or that they should all be “flavorless”, but that’s really just not the case. I’d argue that some of that might have come from the Smirnoff and other advertising campaigns of the ’40s and on, where vodka was claimed to avoid leaving the smell of alcohol on your breath.

In fact, it’s the argument about the taste and texture of vodka that led to an article in The Atlantic about how the terroir of a vodka – in this case, Karlsson’s – gives it a unique taste. I haven’t had Karlsson’s yet, but at the time I would’ve bet that it wasn’t the only one.

There was a DVD about it, but I forgot to watch it.

I took the Tito’s liter down to my parents’ house with me as my mom is a big fan of vodka. She had usually drank Grey Goose, but lately was drinking Stoli in her Cosmos. We both tried the Tito’s and enjoyed it a lot – in fact, she liked it a lot more than what she had been using and, as of last time I checked she had stocked up on the Tito’s.

Woohoo for them! (As a matter of full disclosure, Tito’s sent me 1.75 liters without any asking from me, and the 750ml that I kept was even signed to me by Tito! Which was really cool.)

As I mention in the picture caption I didn’t watch the DVD that came with it because I am very lazy. Unlike some vodkas, they claim to microdistill their own liquor, and say that they get all their corn from the United States.

If that’s all I had, it’d be “Oh. Okay.” Most people wouldn’t be convinced, perhaps, that there are vodkas you should really get out and try. Heck, while I liked Tito’s, I’d probably be about the same way.

Then one night I was out at PS7, talking to some folks I know, or had just met, when I met some of the individuals involved with Blackleaf Vodka, a new vodka from the Cognac region of France that is just starting to reach into the American market. The distillers were there and brought a sample to some skeptical folks, mostly bartenders and one blogger (me).

Wow.

It was pretty darn good! In fact, one of the bartenders said he’d always been a whiskey guy, but this was a vodka that could change his mind.

I reached out to them for a quick interview on Blackleaf. Christian Hayford was good enough to give me a few answers on it.

Scofflaw’s Den: The bottle advertised as being from the heart of Cognac. Are the distillers from that area or did they choose it? If so, why did they choose Cognac, which is more known for its brandy?

Christian Hayford: The master distiller in charge of crafting Blackleaf is from Cognac, France. Their 120 yr old Cognac House, as time has passed, has become a Cognacs and Spirits House and in turn they now also apply their centuries old distillation techniques to vodka.

SD: Is the vodka distilled in a similar manner as to cognac, using pot stills?

CH: Yes. Unlike some of the more common column stills capable of multiple distillations in a single pass, we felt that a copper pot still would allow us more control over the final taste of the vodka.

SD: How did they get into the vodka business? What do they hope to bring to the table in an industry with so many labels already out there? Obviously, I’ve tasted it, so I know they have a good product, but what gave them the confidence that “hey, we can make a better vodka?”

CH: Similar to you, we also have an affinity towards spirits; chiefly vodka. Noticing the subtle differences between various vodkas on the market led us to question everything. In doing so we decided to start the journey of creating a less fluff, better tasting, higher quality vodka. We wanted to take it past distillation and filtration and thats how we ended up going down the path of creating an ultra premium vodka organically.

SD: What’s their favorite way of enjoying it?

CH: We can really appreciate the notes discovered when sipping Blackleaf ‘neat’ but ultimately we’re constantly trying to push the limits of vodka. As you’ll see with our upcoming signature drinks we enjoy putting opposing elements together to create beautiful results.

SD: It’s certified organic. Do they visit the farms that grow the wheat for it? How close are the farms to the distillery?

CH: The wheat that is used to create Blackleaf is grown on the same property as the distillery. Ensuring quality control and organic integrity from start to finish.

Well, folks, that’s enough for this post. Last I heard, Blackleaf wasn’t yet in the States, but if we get another chance to try it, we’ll let you know our thoughts on it, even if I have to twist Marshall’s arm to make him try it!

This might be an easy topic to misunderstand.  It’s not me being greedy or being a lush – it’s me wanting to give you the best review possible of the spirit I try.

Whenever someone has offered to send a sample of their product to us – or anyone else in the CSOWG, for that matter – I always say two things.  1, “Thank you very much!”  2, “Please send us a fifth (750 ml).”

Why a fifth?

Well, you see, let me give an example.  One thing you have to remember is that we’re COCKTAIL bloggers, for the most part, mixologists by hobby or trade, and we like to play with the spirit to see what we can do with it.  But even without that, the example might illuminate.

Recently we were sent a mini of Firefly Sweet Tea Bourbon.  I’m not going to deny how much I liked the vodka version and I’ve bought a good bit of it.

Unfortunately for me, the night that I tried the mini they sent me I also got some kind of stomach bug.  I won’t give you the details of what happened a few minutes after drinking it but – uhhhh – yeah.

And that’s it.  I’m out of Firefly Sweet Tea Bourbon.  Unless I pay for my own – and really, I have LITERS of the vodka version at home, so why should I? – that’s my chance to try it.

Now Firefly lucked out.  I found some samples at $1 a bottle, and I tried it.  Now I know how I feel about it (which is generally “meh”, right now, because I only bought a little).  If I had more, I could experiment with some drink making, but to be honest, I can’t be bothered to do so.  I have so many other things I need to work on…

Let’s use another example.  The other day I was out with my brother and a friend, and we ran into another friend at a local bar (Harry’s Tap Room).  He was there with his boss who insisted on buying us shots of Cuervo Reserve de la Familia.  These shots were $25 a PIECE.  No way we’d buy them on our own!

And they tasted like ass.

If I could find a nicer way to phrase it I would, but that’s what happened.  He asked the waiter for them chilled, so maybe it was the ice, but that was some of the worst tequila I’ve ever had – and for $25 a shot, I’m not going to risk it by ordering it again somewhere else.

One chance, one try, one fail.

Finally, sort of the opposite.

I love the Del Maguey Crema de Mezcal.  Ever since I first had it – having made fun of Marshall for buying it – it’s been a staple in my bar, especially post-cigar.  Then, the other night, I left the bottle out on the porch after my cigar.

Oops.

We’ve had a lot of really hot days out.  And it’s 80 proof – but 10% agave.  Would it be okay?

Let me put it this way – if it’s been a mini, it’d have been thrown out.

Knowing it’s something I like, I paid the $40+ for another bottle just so I could compare them.  I do sacrifices like this for you, our dear readers, because I love you so much.

And yeah, it’s okay.

So there’s a lesson here.  When we ask you for a full fifth of a drink, we’re not being greedy or drunk.  We just need room to experiment.  Booze gets drank in a number of different ways, sometimes spilled, sometimes straight, sometimes mixed.  We appreciate and thank everyone who gives us stuff to help us help YOU find what’s good out there – but honestly, give us some room to work!

Once again, it’s Mixology Monday, and for the first time in a while, I’m actually participating.  AREN’T YOU SO EXCITED?!  I KNOW I AM.

Sorry.  Got a little excited with the caps lock key there.  Don’t think that it wasn’t anything like that you dirty dirty person you.

Anyways, this time it’s hosted by Frederic and company over at Cocktail Virginia Slut.  (What?!  They’re blog isn’t named after our precious commonwealth but is actually “virgin“?  Well, fine.)  (Actually I knew that, but typo-ed, and thought it was funnier that way.)

So today’s is tea.  And also today is Robert Burns Day, which means you should be drinking Scotch and eating haggis.  Not that I’ve done either one (…yet) but it seems like despite my initial choice to find that mini of chai cream liqueur and dump it into some tea (which was also negated by it being gone, probably for almost six months now, oops) and avoiding using delicious, delicious Castries because TDN this week is “Nuts” (hee hee hee!) I figured I should do a tea/Scotch drink of some sort.

When I was a kid, my mom taught me how to make iced tea.  She’s a Southerner, so it was sweet tea (and not that damned bastardization of “oh, we’ve got unsweetened iced tea and sweet & low NO THAT IS NOT HOW SWEET TEA WORKS) and my tea was what a friend of mine called “tea-flavored sugar sludge”.  If I didn’t drink it quickly enough – and to be honest, I usually drank it at room temperature – it’d mold up something fierce.

Now today in DC might have been weirdly temperate, but I also wasn’t feeling great most of the day.  (To continue over-using parenthesis, it was one of those “24 hour stomach blech” kind of days.)  Thus, I figured something with hot tea.  And sweet.  Admittedly, it took until – oh, what time is it now – about 10 PM at night to be working on it, which means caffeine late, but fortunately for me a) I’m mostly able to ignore caffeine these days and b) I’ve got some stuff that will take care of that problem.  So off I went.

I usually use Black Bottle blended Scotch for my drinks using that spirit but this time decided to use something with a bit more character to it and thus chose the Highland Park 12 year old.  I’d bought a bottle of the 15 year old for my grandfather, who is also a Scottish Rite Mason – I’m not Scottish Rite yet but as a Mason I’d planned on joining once I remember to, you know, go to meetings and stuff – so I thought it’d be good.

As for tea, I had a variety pack from Twinnings.  Earl Grey, Lady Grey, and English Breakfast Tea seemed too – well, English for a drink with Scotch, so I grabbed Irish Breakfast instead, bolstered by the fact that it’s the strongest tea in the pack.  No, that doesn’t necessarily make sense (other than the “strongest tea” bit) but shut up.

Boiling water, five minutes steeping, let’s pour that into a bigger mug, and we need some liquors and sweetener.  Hey, a friendly PR company sent me Barenjager!  Now I’ve got some ideas…

Now that’s a “get you up and get you going” drink!

Ad Hoc Burns Night Tea Drink #1
1 1/2 ounces Scotch (Highland Park 12)
1 ounce Barenjager
2-3 dashes lemon bitters
Irish Breakfast tea
Brew a mug of black tea like your mom – strong and hot.  In another mug, pour in the other ingredients.  After the tea finishes steeping, pour it over the other ingredients and stir until blended.  Drink, but not at 10 PM at night unless you have a desire to avoid sleep like the plague.

I don’t normally put lemon in my tea but I had the thought it might help, so I used some Urban Moonshine lemon bitters that they sent me (there you go FTC, yuk it up why don’t you).  They also sent me maple bitters and I’m kind of wishing I’d used those instead – yeah, sure, I could make another drink, but I really don’t need one, especially as I have another idea I want to play with first.  I might also have considered using the Fee’s Rhubarb Bitters (which I paid for thank you very much) or even regular aromatic bitters.  THE POWER IS YOURS TO CHOOSE.

Let’s get back to delicious sweet tea.  That’s all about the summer time to me so it’s time to get rid of the Scotch.  Sorry, Scotch, you’ll have to wait until my next cigar, or next time I hang out with my grandpa.  (And then I can finally share that mini of Highland Park 18 with him too, yummy.)

I thought about making something using Castries, that delicious, delicious Castries, and maybe some of the Chairman’s Reserve Rum (the former I’ve bought a number of times but got a single free bottle of and the latter I’ve already given away bottles of because it’s well priced and delicious and I’m in no way shape or form trying to influence Clyde into hosting a TDN) (maybe), but this week’s TDN is nuts, as I said before, and I’m basically repeating myself.

But sweet tea…

Last year it seemed like sweet tea vodkas were a huge thing, perhaps because, uh, they were.  Maybe not as much in the “cocktail” world, because we can be some snooty bastiges when it comes to stuff like that, but I remember having bartenders telling me how quickly they were selling out of it.  I did a taste test of the Firefly (regular) sweet tea vodka versus Sweet Carolina and the Firefly won by a huge margin.  Let’s put it this way: Firefly is made in South Carolina near a tea plantation.  Sweet Carolina is made from Maine.  One of those tastes like chemicals, and to give a hint, it’s not the one called Firefly.  I haven’t tried the flavored sweet tea vodkas but I can’t be bothered to pay my money for more variations of the same thing, and I haven’t tried Jeremiah Weed for the same reason, but I will admit I do like the Firefly.

And it might not be summer but it hit at least 61 degrees today (seriously, y’all in SoCal, just don’t even say it) so I want a sweet tea drink and I don’t feel like making my own sweet tea because I am very, very lazy.

For a summer type drink, though, I think I need citrus with my tea.  Thus, we have my:

The Citrus-tea
1 1/2 ounces Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka
3/4 ounce lemon juice
1/2 ounce triple sec (Combier – also, again, a freebie)
2-3 dashes Bittermen Bitter Truth Grapefruit Bitters
Shake and double strain into a chilled cocktail glass.  Garnish with a twist of orange peel.

I don’t know what I think of this drink yet – it’s fun, but I think it needs some work, and I think it needs to be in warmer weather.  If it’s warmer for you, give it a shot!

Thanks again to Frederic and Cocktail Virgin Slut for hosting, and as always, Paul Clarke for doing MxMo.  Cheers y’all!