D.C. Craft Bartenders Guild President, Owen Thomson, holds up to the crowd a rectangular can the size of a deck of cards. A grin spills across his face. Thomson is about to reveal the next ingredient for the contest.

?Smoked sardines,? he says. The crowd collectively cringes.

That’s the kind of curveballs participants faced at last Sunday afternoon?s Negroni Throwdown at The Gibson. The winner, Chris Martino of Barrel, faced strong competition. In the end, he emerged the champion winning a bartending spot at this year?s Repeal Day Ball and all the shit-talking privileges thereto appertaining.

E.J. Apaga of Pearl Dive, Dave Lanzalone of Iron Gate and Julien Bourgon of TNT each fell to Martino despite the various obstacles thrown his way. Apaga certainly gave the crowd their ?money?s worth? (the event was free) in the Ramos Gin Fizz round when he opened a fully charged soda syphon sending streams of cream, egg whites and gin into the air.

Jack Rose bartender and Tiki Throwdown winner, Justin Hampton, judged the final products. The barman sampled each cocktail, looking pleased with some and wincing a little from others. Guild members Jamie McBain and Jo-Jo Valenzuela hosted the show. Valenzuela pulled the event together with sponsorship from Plymouth and Beefeater.

Each contestant went through a vigorous competition structured similarly to Cutthroat Kitchen. The Throwdown?s contestants used poker chips to bid on various sabotages against one another. One participant was handicapped by having no ice for his cocktail while another was denied use of his arm and a leg.

The back patio of the RAMMY nominated bar served as a serene setting for the raucous competition. Audience members filled up on bar-b-que ribs, sliders and mushroom fritters while sloshing around frozen ?Negronis and Cream? cocktails spun by Gibson general manager, Frank Jones.

When the jigger was eliminated from Bourgon?s use, he could be seen swiftly dumping spoonfuls of spirit into his mixing glass as time ticked away. Lanzalone made use of a reusable, refrigerated ice pack to chill down his drink since he was handicapped with no ice. No one was safe from the crippling obstacles thrown at them at the event.

Apaga dove right into the smoked sardines. He muddled a poor little fish into the concoction and scooped fingerfuls of oily red sauce out of the can and into his shaker. When asked what his bloody mary-like, sardine cocktail was called, Apaga smiled.

?Fish 75.?

Washington, D.C. — Bartender, Jo-Jo Valenzuela, pours the winning cocktail during the finals of the D.C. Craft Bartender’s Guild (DCBG) at Cafe Saint Ex in northwest.

“Jo-Jo! Jo-Jo! Jo-Jo!” chants the crowd. They had their champion.

City Tap House and Old Glory barman Jo-Jo Valenzuela won the D.C. Craft Bartender?s Guild?s (DCBG) Budget Booze Build-Off competition at Cafe Saint Ex Tuesday night. Valenzuela toppled opponents throughout the event on his way to the finals where he defeated Dane Nakamura of Range. City Paper?s Jessica Sidman, Washington Post?s Fritz Hahn and DCBG?s Jason Strich, declared quickly and decidedly that Valenzuela’s cocktail was the winner.

Could you make a drink with this? @cafesaintex tonight at 7pm pic.twitter.com/xqKjKQw7F0

— DC Craft Bartenders (@DCCraftBarGuild) February 25, 2014

The light-hearted contest was filled with several talented bartenders attempting to incorporate “cheap” products into the most palatable cocktails possible. The champion won a coveted bar-table spot at the 2014 Repeal Day Ball. There were plenty of oohs and ahhs during the event and certainly moments of all-out laughter.

While both finalist could barely recall the ingredients at the end of the round due to the excitement, Valenzuela managed to remember the recipe Wednesday morning. This little sipper, he calls the Mexican Slurpee, consisted of:

1 1/2 oz Absolut Cilantro
1/2 oz Southern Comfort Fiery Pepper
3/4 oz fresh lime juice
3/4 oz grapefruit syrup
Shake ingredients. Double strain into a highball glass over crushed ice. Express lemon, lime and orange zest over the top and leave peels as garnish.

The base spirits were a little insane but somehow Valenzuela made it work and walked away the champ.

Guild president, Owen Thomson, revealed the secret ingredients at the start of each round. Any opinions about these brands and their quirky flavors could be heard in a low hum throughout the audience once announced. Some speculated about which bottles would end up being used.

The notorious Pinnacle products made a strong appearance. A bottle of cinnamon roll vodka and peachberry cobbler vodka could be found among the bunch. Fresh juices were used and appreciated. And eggs, interestingly enough, were popular choices for the contestants.

Anyone looking for a more serious drink could find Dan Searing mixing up punches and passing out glasses of the stuff. He jovially answered questions about the concoction, pointing it out as a variation on a recipe detailed in his book The Punch Bowl.

Washington, D.C. — Author and bar owner, Dan Searing Jr., pours punch at Cafe Saint Ex.

Washington, D.C. — Jo-Jo Valenzuela garnishes the cocktail that won him the cocktail competition.

Valenzuela always has a smile on his face but last night he was ear-to-ear. He came out from behind the bar clutching his bar tools. Nodding his head as the crowd chanted…

“Jo-Jo!”

RT @AnthonyJRivera Congrats to @jojothebarkeep for winning the @DCCraftBarGuild #cocktail competition @cafesaintex! http://t.co/S7LvB61LPS

— DLDGLG (@DLDGLG) February 26, 2014

Anthony Rivera stands guard behind the bar at Beuchert’s Saloon. Photo courtesy of Tony Richards.

Behind the Stick is a series highlighting perspectives and experiences of Scofflaws Den?s veteran barman.

I?m dying for a drink. My eyes watch warming brown whiskies, sudsy beers, bubbly sparkling wines and more pouring all around me. A picture in my head shows me leaping across the bar, knocking over glassware and garnishes, to catch a stream of booze into my mouth. And it has only been three days into my month without alcohol.

It may seem a little strange to write about sobriety on a site dedicated to good hooch in its various forms. Yet, here I am, writing about just that.

Why not one drop of alcohol and why now?

First, February is the shortest month of the year with the second fewest intoxicant-related events behind January. Second, the bar/restaurant industry demands a life so drowned in the hard stuff I feel every so often one needs a real, meaningful break – a challenge.

I have done this exercise several times before of course. The only amendment I am making this year is starting before the Superbowl. I suppose I wanted to up the ante a little. As one of my favorite journalists, Christopher Hitchens, often said, the drink is a wonderful slave but a terrible master. Life, in many ways, can be about mastering one?s weaknesses.

The tricky part for a craft bartender is performing my job as flawlessly as possible. Guests often ask me to experiment when making their next cocktail. This proposition forces me to perform with one hand tied behind my back. After all, good chefs obsessively sample their food as they go along, tasting for too much salt, too little, proper seasoning and so on.

How do I get around this predicament as a mixologist?

Luckily, I have cultivated a skill set for building drinks without absolutely having to taste them. The classics: the Old Fashioned, Sazerac, Manhattan, Martini. I have mixed so many of these drinks I could serve them in my sleep (sometimes, in fact, I have lucidly dreamt of making them).

I also rely heavily on only the most trusted co-workers? palates. You see, ultimately I am never really certain of my own taste buds to determine if an original tipple is enjoyable. Brutal honesty can actually be scarce from folks expecting a high level of craftsmanship. In the end, the true test comes when a guest has swiftly gulped down one of my concoctions.

Lastly, I often prepare a guest for an eventual flop. Food and drink is so subjective even the best bartenders fail to meet expectations. Much of the service industry is designed to provide its customers with a high quality product. If that product does not meet a guest’s expectations, most of those establishments are happy to try with another attempt free of charge (this is often called a ?spill? or a ?comp?). I am upfront about that obligation and, particularly during this challenging month, make clear one does not have to commit to the beverage before them.

As I like to remind guests cheekily, ?besides, it?s not my booze.?

Washington, D.C. — A girl stirs an old fashioned cocktail at a bar on Pennsylvania Avenue in Capitol Hill.

Behind the Stick is a new series highlighting perspectives and experiences of Scofflaws Den’s veteran barman.

“If some of our guests had a stick, I know they’d poke me with it.”

I’ve been known to say this a few times when describing what it’s like to be a craft bartender (or mixologist). I?m implying, of course, that there?s a certain sideshow aspect to the cocktail revival. You truly are a performer on a stage when creating drinks.

Many bartenders adopt a ring leader-like persona. Others, like me, wish to commit their craft to the glass – mostly sotto voce. What’s fascinating is eventually everyone feels performance pressure from (or sadly even indignation towards) wide-eyed, mesmerized spectators. I often think how professional magicians can lose fondness for their audiences after doing the same trick nightly over the years.

Don’t take this the wrong way. I enjoy serving guests. I like displaying not only the glory of the final product but also the beautiful process of building a craft cocktail. I avoid pretentiousness and I am happy to chat with customers about all the bizarre tinctures and toys we use. I even love telling guests some of my tips for making great cocktails.

Still, sometimes the abrupt demands and precocious inquiries can get a bit overwhelming for some of us, particularly when we are busy. Here?s a scenario:

A guest watches as I pour whiskey, sweet vermouth, and bitters into a glass and begin to stir.

?HEY, what’s that you?re making there,? the guests asks.

?It’s a Manhattan,? I reply.

This exchange alone isn?t nearly as aggravating as when it?s been asked for the billionth time or the question is coming from a serial asker. Any good bartender learns to hide his or her annoyance. You see, from their perspective, somewhere along the way customers have taken on the habit of seeing a bartender work, pointing at a drink, and asking, ?what manner of witchcraft is this??

Admittedly, I’ve been guilty of a similar impulse. (I often look back at my intrusive interactions with craft bartenders several years ago and cringe). My curiosity overwhelmed my sense of perspective.

To be fair, it?s hard for a seasoned bartender to remind him or herself what it?s like to be in a guests’ shoes. The foodservice business has also encouraged much of the extra attention. Many restaurants now find an edge by providing more than just good fare and good service or a quick gimmick. These days the industry tries to offer guests an experience.

None of this observation really brings profound insight into some of the big problems in the world. But there’s always an interesting dynamic with each interaction between barman/barwoman and guest. We in the industry very rarely get to express our thoughts on those interactions.

?Everybody knows the Martinez, right?? asks Dave Wondrich before his demonstration. Open before him is one-time Esquire Magazine drinks writer, David Laskin?s, Wine and Liquor Handbook published in 1984.

?Gin. Vermouth. Stirred. A little splash of liqueur. A very elegant drink. The beginning of the martini, et cetera,? he says.

Jeff ?Beachbum? Berry listens intently. Wondrich looks down at Laskin?s recipe very closely and begins building it.

?First, we put into the blender cracked ice…?

The seminar, Dark Ages: Mixology, 1967-1988, is one of the last for this year?s Tales of the Cocktail (TOTC) event in New Orleans. And for a week filled with deliciously sophisticated cocktails this particular discussion is a delightfully sharp turn backwards.

Wondrich, who also writes for Esquire, hammers home his point as he dumps some cura?ao into the blender.

?I?ll call that three dashes each right there… who gives a shit,? he says. This is Wondrich?s interpretation of the prevailing attitude towards cocktails around that time.

For Berry, the seminar was a slight return to the fern bar topic he?d covered with Smuggler?s Cove owner Martin Cate in 2010.

Since, according to the tiki expert, these bars were more about mingling with the opposite sex, the craft and attention to detail suffered.

?The reason why the drinks were so irrelevant was everyone was doing other drugs,? says Berry. ?Cocktails were basically what your parents drank – they were for squares.?

The seminar takes a jaunt through the worst of the worst and the best of the worst. Wondrich quotes Hunter S. Thompson?s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas as well as Heywood Gould?s movie (and novel) Cocktail to show just how bad mixed drinks got.

?Right now we?re kind of having a little bit of backlash against the more precious edges of mixology but it?s worthwhile remembering that, you know, we don?t maybe want to go all the way back,? he says, ?You?re treating people poorly and there?s no excuse for that.?

Berry rifles through a series of hysterical photographs. Many provide only a glimpse of menus coming out of this era?s popular bars. Other images display the Three?s Company-style decor and fashion that filled those places.

?Vodka over gin. Vodka over whiskey. White rum over dark. Lighter over richer. Fruity over herbal. The rise of schnapps,? Wondrich says, ?Each one of those products in and of themselves are fine but when they take over the whole ecosystem you?re losing a lot of flavor, you?re losing a lot of richness, you?re losing a lot of interest in the drinks.?

The seminar culminates with a discussion of the legendary Harvey Wallbanger cocktail, which according to the speakers, was invented by a bartender named Donato ?Duke? Antone.

Harvey Wallbanger

3 parts vodka
1 part Galliano
6 parts orange juice
Add vodka and orange juice into a highball glass with ice. Float Galliano on top. Garnish with an orange slice and a maraschino cherry.

TOTC volunteers not only provided samples of Galliano?s most famous cocktail but also distributed swag for attendees to wear donned with the infamous drink name printed on them.

Berry and Wondrich finish off the event with a recitation of the ?The Last Barman Poet? from the lampooned?Cocktail,?posted here for your viewing pleasure:

I am the world’s last barman poet.

I see America drinking the fabulous cocktails I make.
Americans getting stinky on something I stir or shake.

The sex on the beach.
The schnapps made from peach.
The velvet hammer.
The Alabama slammer.

I make things with juice and froth.
The pink squirrel.
The three-toed sloth.

I make drinks so sweet and snazzy.
The iced tea.
The kamikaze.
The orgasm.
The death spasm.
The Singapore sling.
The ding-a-ling.

America you’re just devoted to every flavor I got.
But if you want to get loaded.
Why don’t you just order a shot?

Bar is open.